Heartbreaking Embrace
by AnotherYourslf
Summary: This story picks up during 11/3-11/5/10 after Brenda has shot one of the Balkan's men in the alley. Jason stays with her at the PCPD and consequently rushes to her comfort and aide when she has a nightmare. I can't tell you how much I hated that Sam was yet again forced to be second or even third or fourth in his priorities of people during this storyline.
1. Chapter 1

**Heartbreaking Embrace**

 **Chapter 1**

 _Author's Note: This story picks up during 11/3-11/5/10 after Brenda has shot one of the Balkan's men in the alley. Jason stays with her at the PCPD and consequently rushes to her comfort and aide when she has a nightmare. I can't tell you how much I hated that Sam was yet again forced to be second or even third or fourth in his priorities of people during this storyline. I couldn't quite understand if the writers were trying to put yet another wedge between the reunited couple or showing this odd connection of sorts. Needless to say I hated Brenda and Jason a bit during this and don't get me started on Spinelli. I'm not sure if I will continue this story it really depends if I get any reviews or comments so please let me know what you think._

Sam trailed behind Jason hearing Brenda's blood-curdling screams and she was not prepared to turn the corner of the unbearable pink room and find Brenda clinging to the arms and body of Jason. Sam was stunned at the intimacy and embrace Brenda and Jason were captured in and to make matters worse it was as though she wasn't even there. Sam resigned herself to a place in her mind that told her Jason was being Jason and he was protecting and comforting a friend, but somewhere in her heart and mind this declaration and visual representation drove it home in her mind that old insecurity and there was no erasing that now.

Sam slumped back to the bedroom she shared with Jason and sat on the corner of the bed dumbfounded and shocked at this display she witnessed. This was the second time in less than 24 hours she found Brenda and Jason engulfed in one another's arms and she couldn't shake the feeling of dread and sadness once it all settled.

Sam stared at the bedroom door praying Jason would come walking back in to reassure her of her place in his home and heart, but that never happened. She wasn't sure how long she was sitting there caught in the swirl of emotions and she couldn't even be lured to sleep because she feared that something far worse would invade her dreams. Sam was truly conflicted over her feelings and thoughts torn between the loyalty and trust she had so desperately worked at repairing with Jason and then the other side was flashes of the bickering and embraces she had witnessed between the divorced couple. _C ouple_ that word struck daggers through her heart and suddenly the thick tears stained her face as the moonlight shown in on her tanned skin. Sam didn't know if she should leave or stay because for the first time since she and Jason reunited she was in no way secure with her place in his life.

Sam couldn't believe that she was yet again standing on the sidelines as Jason was in his damsel in distress mode, but this time was different with Brenda. _How could I have been so blind? I mean she could accept this fantasy land talk from Spinelli, after all at one point he had been encouraging Jason to be with Elizabeth. Carly though that was a different matter and there was something about the way Carly warned Sam about Brenda that for one of the first times Carly was not just thinking of herself she saw this train wreck coming a mile away._ Sam wondered to herself what was worse allowing Brenda and Jason's bond to play on her insecurities and fears or that Carly may have actually been spot on about Brenda getting her hooks into Jason.

Sam didn't feel right in this place anymore or in her skin for that matter. She went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror wondering how she was back to this place. Sam watched the tears cascade down her sun kissed face and she couldn't stop the images of Brenda and Jason embracing from invading her thoughts. Sam was not prepared for this, sure she could handle the constant interruption of Carly in their lives but Brenda was in a league of her own. If she thought about it from a PI perspective all the clues were there.

Jason was becoming more and more distant. They barely spent any time together alone as a couple anymore and she couldn't remember the last time they were intimate with one another. Jason's conversations and bickering with Brenda reminded her of their friendship in the early stages. Then there was the fact that Jason took off with barely a word to Sam to go half way around the world to rescue his ex-wife. Nothing really cemented it for her until they were in the alley and Brenda had a gun gripped in her hand and rushed to Jason's arms. Sam was astonished that not only had the super model ex-wife completely ruined their plan for the Balkan she also got to be comforted by her man while Sam stood off in the dark completely forgotten about. She tried to rationalize the situation to herself and even Spinelli as he monitored the activity at the PCPD, but if she was truly being honest with herself she felt Jason slipping away if not already gone and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Sam wasn't going to walk away quietly this time though she was done having brunettes barge into her life and become the center of Jason's world while she was expected to just sit around and wait for the scraps to be thrown at her of whatever seconds Jason could give her of himself. Sam McCall had grown and changed over the past 4 years and she was not about to back down and not go down without a fight or at the very least confronting both of them on this. She braced herself for the argument that she was sure would ensue and calculated out when she would bring it up. She knew one thing for sure she certainly wasn't getting any sleep tonight and she wasn't going to sit around in Jason's bedroom waiting for him to return if he even would.

Sam walked back into the bedroom and started gathering her clothes occasionally looking back at the door in hopes he would appear. After she got dressed she went to the closet and got her black duffel bag it was as though this was her symbol of heartbreak and sorrow. As she reached for it she felt a single tear flow down her cheek and drop onto her hand holding the bag. She closed her eyes briefly trying to summon the courage to keep moving forward and not back down. She used her other hand to wipe away her tear and she stood tall and took a deep breathe. She searched around the room for any articles of clothing she had stored here and other belongings. She wasn't giving up, but she wasn't staying where she obviously wasn't wanted or needed. She zipped up the bag on the bed, touched the pillow she had been laying on and made a silent prayer that Jason would come to his senses and realize what this situation was doing to her and to them.

Sam made it to the door of the bedroom looked back briefly thinking of all the nights they shared in this room in that bed and in the bathroom and eased her way out the door. She shut the door gently behind and walked down the hallway as she slowed down approaching the pink room. A part of Sam wanted to look in and see them talking, but her greatest fear was that she would see them still locked together and it would be her undoing. Sam steadied herself and put the bag on the floor briefly and leaned in the room slightly and what she saw felt like someone had punched her in the gut. Her hand came to her mouth instantly to cover the sob that was about to erupt after seeing Jason and Brenda laying on the bed together wrapped up with one another. She stood there for a few minutes almost in a trance like state watching the scene as Brenda clung to his body and he stroked her hair hushing her, the way he had touched her hair and held her in his arms. It was as though someone snapped their fingers and she was jolted awake.

Sam looked around and she was back in Jason's bedroom laying in his bed – ALONE! "Jason" she called but he wasn't there and he didn't come to her call of him. She sighed and slumped back into the bed praying that it was all in her head and her nightmare was not in fact her reality. Sam threw off the covers and ready to see the truth. She opened the bedroom door and her bare feet guided down the hallway towards the regrettable pink room. Before she entered she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, putting her hand lightly on the door she pushed it open and as though she was stuck in some vicious nightmare it all flooded to her eyes. There was Jason and Brenda laying on the bed with their bodies locked together as she watched him stroke her hair gently with his eyes closed.

Sam ran from the room and quickly and silently as she could, her heart was broken and she couldn't escape the pain coursing through her body. Her nightmare had become the reality she never thought possible and she didn't know if she had the right to be upset about Jason's choice. She launched into the bedroom yanking at the clothes thrown on the floor grumbling to herself as she dressed. Once she was dressed she did just as she had done in her dream, but this time she didn't bother to stop a second time for another eye full. She made it downstairs to the last step of the staircase and she looked around taking it all in because after tonight she didn't know if she would ever be coming back.

She found a piece of paper and pen in the desk and wrote a note:

 _Jason_

 _I don't know what to begin to say to you except goodbye. I never thought I would be uttering those words to you again after everything we have been through, but tonight I finally realized I don't have a place in your heart or life. I tried to tell myself that what I saw between you and Brenda was friendship and a loyalty to protect her, but after seeing the two of you embrace in the alley and just now running to her arms after her nightmare it is clear the two of you have something very special. I'd like to say that I was surprised, but even Carly tried to warn me against this and I ignored her I guess I finally get to choke out the words to her that she was right. I bet you never thought you would see the day you would hear those words from my mouth._

 _The harsh reality of this situation is that I can't fight for us alone, it takes two people to get in the ring and you are otherwise occupied. Just to be clear I'm not making you chose Brenda's safety over me I'm facing the fact that she has been your primary focus for months and though I might normally be annoyed by this after seeing the two of you during that time I can't deny that the two of you have something we never have and never will. Jason there is a reason she listed you as her emergency contact and that you agreed to marry her and you might trying convince yourself otherwise, but I see it in your eyes you have love for her._

 _Please don't try and deny it or rationalize it because it's not just me that sees it there is Carly and Spinelli for that matter. I know it took me awhile to finally see it, but now that my eyes are open I can't ignore it and I won't stand in the way of your happiness. I wish I could tell you that I'm fine with this, but I'm not. It hurts like hell and I'm not sure it will ever stop, but one thing is for sure I'm not going to stand in the way or make you conflicted. If you chose to continue denying this bond and love you have for Brenda that is on you, but I won't turn a blind eye to it anymore._

 _I love you Jason! You taught me what love was and my only regret was that I took it for granted far too often. I'm leaving, please don't try to find me because after all of this I need some space from this place and a chance to rebuild myself and my heart. I'm sorry to do this all in a letter, but I don't have the strength to hear you try and justify or rationalize your feelings and commitment to Brenda. So with that I wish you a happy life Jason and I hope Brenda realizes what an amazing gift she has in you by her side._

 _All my love,_

 _Sam_

Tear drops stained some of the paper and she wrote her name, kissed and folded the paper to place it on the desk. She wrote his name on the outside and searched through her purse to find her key ring. Apparently she had not done this swift enough as she was searching for her key Spinelli appeared from the kitchen with chips and orange soda in his hand.

"Fair Samantha, I didn't expect you to be dawning all of your clothes at such a dark hour of the night. Is there something amiss? The Jackal is happy to assist in whatever nefarious actions the evil doers have hatched upon our fair city." Spinelli set his chips and soda down on the desk and noticed the note with his Master's name scribed on it and Sam watched his expression as though she watched the thought formulate upon his eyes. "Pardon me asking, but I do wonder are you taking flight in the middle of the night for an emergency or something else?"

Sam sighed knowing that this was a conversation she was not prepared to answer or try and explain given the fragile nature of her feelings. "Look Spinelli you know I adore you and am extremely grateful for your friendship and partnership at work, but for now can you please drop this? I'm leaving this note and my key for Jason and it is not your job to try and fix us. Also I'm going to be unavailable at the office for a while, I've decided that I need some distance from Port Charles and now is as good of a time as any. I'm sorry to dump all the cases in your lap and if you are not able to handle them you can decline the business. Just please trust that I'm doing what I need to do to take care of myself and I won't be gone forever." Sam hugs Spinelli, places the key with the note and exits the Penthouse.


	2. Chapter 2

Heartbreaking Embrace

Chapter 2

 _Author's Note: Thank you all for the fabulous reviews and kind words. I'm glad I'm not the only fan that was pissed at how Jason treated Sam back in the Brenda drama days and it has given me great pleasure to give Sam a POV which is sadly lacking in the current storyline and let's face it even longer than that. I've given some thought about the urge to develop the story into the point of the limo bombing and Sam being caught in the crossfire and while I'm not sure how or where that might go I'm game to explore it with all of your help so…I'm going to ask that for those of you who want me to explore this I would like further details of what aspects to focus on and any details to capture? Oh, and I will mention that this story is going to make Jason recognize the gravity of his choices and what it can cost him by following this path and there might be some yummy distractions to fill Sam's time._

It was almost 4am when Sam finally arrived back at her apartment and as she shut the door and glanced around the room a flood gate of memories filled her head. This was her place and yet she shared this space with the two men that she loved deeply at one point in time and this too was where they both hurt her the most. There was Jason's threat to kill her with a crashing glass flung against the fireplace and then there was Lucky calling out Elizabeth's name in her hot tub. The sorrow and the betrayal surrounding her with every turn she needed a fresh start and to get some perspective. She headed to her bedroom and gathered up the necessary clothing and toiletries she would need for an extended vacation and her black duffle bag was barely able to be closed. She looked over at her bedroom nightstand and found a more recent picture of her and Jason and they both seemed so happy and in love their eyes full of such hope and gratitude and to imagine in a few short months that was all ripped away. Sam touched the tip of her finger along the frame and his face, pulled the picture to her chest and took a deep breath with tears cascading her cheeks again she set it face down on the night stand and whispered _Goodbye Jason_.

Sam couldn't believe that this was the place she took such pride in acquiring on her terms and she had a successful PI business with Spinelli and yet her life felt empty. Sam was tired or living her life for others and decided she would take this time to rest and relax. There was no rest she was going to be able to get after the night she had and for now the water was calling her and so she sought comfort in the place that helped her center her thoughts – the docks.

Sam watched the waves crash into the docks as the moonlight shined on the water she could see the stars dancing in the sky and she missed being out on the water without any ties or people to disappoint or that would disappoint her. While she pondered her next move, she heard some soft footsteps off in the distance that was the one thing about these docks the wooden steps certainly gave away any new onlookers and in this case Sam sighed not relishing the thought of someone she might run into or if it was impending danger. Sam steadied herself for either scenario and was relieved to find a familiar face approaching – Lucky.

"Sam? Is that you?" Lucky slowly approached the dark-haired petite figure not wanting to scare her and knowing if it was in fact his ex-lover she would be ready to fight at the hint of danger.

Sam turned around after she took a deep breath in realizing that she had been holding it until the stranger revealed himself. "Hey Lucky, yeah it's me. Just thinking and well this is as good of a place to do it as any."

"Care for some company? I mean obviously, something is bothering you otherwise you wouldn't be out here at 4am." Lucky kept himself a good distance from Sam not knowing where her mind or heart were at in the moment and if their history taught him anything Samantha McCall was not one to wear her heart on her sleeve well at least not immediately, but if you did get the chance to be you should appreciate it.

Lucky knew that things were a bit tense between Sam and Jason just in the most recent interactions they all had he could tell that Sam was reaching her boiling point and no one knew better than him to cross that with Sam. He decided he would politely ask the benign questions hoping to avoid any carnage directed at him and also recognize they had finally gotten to a good place in their friendship he hoped they could continue to be there for one another.

"It's a free country" Sam sighed out loud and after the words left her mouth she knew that Lucky was trying to be a concerned friend and at this point she should be grateful for such, but honestly Sam was a flurry of feelings right now and she didn't want Lucky to be a casualty in her newest drama with Jason.

"I'm sorry Lucky that came out all wrong. You've been amazing with trying to help solve this case with the Balkan and been incredibly neutral in the decisions we've all made to try and capture this guy and get Siobhan back safely. I also know that Jason is not normally a topic I care to discuss with you not only due to your own personal history, but that coupled with ours I'm not sure you are really the appropriate person I should be talking to all of this about." Sam felt alone and yet she had this awesome friend trying his best to be there for her and yet again she was pushing him away maybe partially because of her bruised pride and she also didn't want to bring anyone else along for this train wreck.

Just then Lucky's heart stung a bit because the truth of the matter was that Sam was right Jason Morgan was not his favorite topic of conversation and the man had inserted himself into almost every aspect of his life and not in the supporting friendship kind of a way. Part of him hated the man that hired gun and all that he had taken from him. I mean he took the most precious things that once captivated Lucky's heart and acted as though they were disposable and only valuable on his own time table. First there were the secret meetings and confessions with Elizabeth which eventually led to the two of them having a one night stand and conceiving Jake and then there was the blonde-haired boy that captured his heart and to learn in the same night his best friend died that he was not the father to this precious little boy. Then the clincher of them all when Sam started to associating with the mobster again and eventually resumed her relationship. Lucky couldn't believe that Jason Morgan was a fool yet again to let someone as amazing and beautiful as Samantha McCall go.

"Samantha McCall is that the best you've got? I mean I know it's late and neither of us have probably slept, but I expected more fight from the woman that I…" he trailed off and quickly shifted his gaze to the water hoping and praying she didn't catch on to his confession.

"What I meant to say is that I'm your friend first and foremost Sam and if you are hurting and need someone to talk to you always have an ear from me to listen and on occasion I might feel generous enough to give you a hug now and then." Lucky glanced over at Sam and had this smirk on his face with a half-smile hoping that this partial flirty nature and boyish charm might help lower her defenses and let him in.

Sam couldn't help herself to chuckle at the handsome detective he certainly had lines and jokes on occasion and in this particular instance she needed that levity that he uniquely provided. "Spencer, are you flirting with me? Not that I'm complaining after the day I've had it just seems a bit out of character for you considering how enamored you've been with this red-haired Irish beauty Siobhan. I might also add that you need to seriously work on those lines because you are rusty as hell. I wouldn't be a good friend and ex-girlfriend if I didn't help you improve your game, right?" Sam smirked this time knowing that she was feeling a bit better already being around Lucky and he was a pleasant distraction.

Lucky faked being wounded by her words placing his hand over his heart "McCall you wound me deeply."

Sam nudges him with her hip and looks up into his light blue eyes "Don't con me, I know who raised you and I've been side saddle on more than one adventure with you so don't try the puppy dog eyes and dimpled pout with me because I'm not buying it."

"Okay it's obvious you really are not in the mood to talk about whatever or _whoever_ has you out here in the middle of the night so you leave me no choice." Lucky picked her up and flung her over his shoulder and rushed up the steps away from the dock. Sam was pounding on his back trying to squirm out of his grip and the more she tried to pry herself away the tighter his grip became and a few times he swatted her bottom in retaliation. Sam's reaction to each of these moments was priceless one mixed with shock and humor and maybe a pinch of allure.

They finally reached Lucky's car and he sat her down almost pinning her shoulders to the car door. "Now I'm going to get my keys out and we are going to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time and there is no refusing this mission. So, my question to you is do I need to restrain you or are you coming willingly?" Lucky shot her a look deep into her eyes hoping he could give her back a little what she had given him so many times while they were a couple which was fun and levity.

Sam slumped against the car and had this almost defeated look in her eyes and at the time Lucky wasn't sure if her demeanor was real or if she was trying to pull a fast one on him. "Lucky" sighed heavily and before she could utter another word he slipped his finger to her mouth and there was this jolt of electricity between them almost reminding them both of their intimate history and how much both of them meant to one another and still mean to a certain extent.

Sam reached up and slid her hand around Lucky's and as their fingers intertwined she looked into his pale blue eyes trying to understand how they had gotten to here. Sam was bewildered at how their connection had transformed in such a short amount of time. What started out as a way to get back at both Jason and Elizabeth turned into a great and deep love that neither one of them expected and it that it seemed the deck was stacked against them. Their love had persevered many storms, not quite as many as their former partners and yet their love still felt as real and true. Lucky regretted calling out Elizabeth's name in Sam's hot tub and he thought that was the undoing of their relationship, but in reality, he didn't know Sam had seen him kiss Elizabeth on the roof of the hospital. She knew at the time that they were all in life or death matters, but she didn't imagine that Lucky would break into the hospital just to check on Elizabeth and Jake and then when things got really bad she wasn't even a thought. Sam closed her eyes feeling the pain strike through her again with feeling similarly with the Brenda and Jason thing.

"Lucky, why am I not enough?"


End file.
